“Have a F*ing Cup of Coffee, Ed”

I was in Sydney, working with my colleagues on a user conference, and my friend and co-worker CB had booked a restaurant for dinner. As we reviewed the menus someone made a remark about what was being offered and I quickly threw in my own criticism. Much to my surprise, CB was offended by our remarks. I thought the world of her and offending her was the furthest thing from my mind. What I didn’t realize, but should have, was that we were guests in her country and she had picked this restaurant specifically for this dinner. Our criticisms were a rejection of what she had chosen, and she rightfully spoke up about it.

There is a scene in the movie Erin Brockovich where Ed and Erin are visiting the home of one of the plaintiffs and are offered a cup of coffee. The plaintiffs had just agreed to sign the legal paperwork to sue PG&E, and now that the business is done Ed wants to leave. He rejects the offer of a cup of coffee, and Erin tensely whispers to him “have a f*ing cup of coffee, Ed”. What Erin realizes in the movie, and why it is so poignant, is that rejecting a “f*ing cup of coffee” is the same as rejecting their hospitality, and by extension, rejecting them.

It was a hard lesson for me in Sydney and it felt terrible, but ever since I have tried to accept what is being offered. Accepting something – a restaurant choice, coffee, advice, help - when it is offered is the same as sending the message “what you are offering, and by extension you yourself, is valuable”.

I think of it as an extension of  the “yes, and” rule in improv which says you accept what is offered and build on it. I try to accept what is offered from others and from life, as often as I can. It’s not always easy and I forget way more often than I’d like, but I try to remind myself that “yes and” opens the door to people and to life.

More like this: https://www.graysonhayden.com/blog/make-room-for-the-magic

When you’re ready, there are two ways I can help:

1) I highly recommend the same course ($150) I used to get started posting on LinkedIn (affiliate link): THE LINKEDIN OPERATING SYSTEM

2) 1:1 consulting sessions: GHEIM@GRAYSONHAYDEN.COM