7 Communication Secrets Every Aspiring Leader Must KnoW

During a 1:1 a few years ago, my manager viewed his screen and read email during our 30 minutes. The minute I noticed he wasn’t paying attention, my voice trailed off and my narrative petered out. I can’t really blame him - with cell phones and the internet, something more interesting is always available.

Knowing that didn’t change the meta message I got though, which was “There are more important things than you/the work you do.” That meta message got me more interested in finding another job than wasting my time on something management couldn’t be bothered with.

I studied leadership in grad school, and took a leadership coaching course a few years ago. What I have found is that leadership coaching programs tend to run short on real world skill building about how to command a room or communicate like a bad ass.

Yet these things have a tremendous amount to do with whether or not you are perceived as a leader or fly under the radar.

So let’s talk about some real world skills that send the meta message “I am a leader”:

Short, declarative sentences – don’t ramble, don’t upspeak.
Don’t affirm or deny – stay neutral when others are speaking. When was the last time you saw a CEO nodding along in the board room? You are listening to see what you think, and you will state your opinion when the time is right.
When you speak, stay focused on the positive and what is possible. Whining is for losers.
Lower your register/deepen your voice – I was once presenting in a virtual meeting and my voice got very high pitched and I ran out of air. Disaster. A lower tone is scientifically proven to come across better. Big belly breaths will bring you back if you get nasally.
Take the emotion out of what you are saying – you are not speaking to your best friend. You are speaking as an authority. Keep an even tone rather than a singsongy one.
Silence – use it to your advantage. Let it stretch. Nothing makes you nervous.
Don’t rush – rushing conveys a lack of control. Leaders are in command of all things. They don’t rush, because they know that they will be capable of managing whatever comes up.

Communicating as a leader involves projecting confidence, clarity, and authority. It’s important to be empathetic and approachable, but most of us over rotate on that side of things. Send the meta message that you are a leader and you will be perceived as one.